Imagine going through that at 58. My family had a hard time with it for a short while, as I had to correct them constantly and go through a lot of awkwardness. My name and my pronouns (he, him, his). Each one thinking their struggle with it was just between me and them. No, it was between me and my entire family. Overwhelming. It took me 4 long years to come out to myself and then to them. I did so in a very loving, but public way. I gave them the option to dismiss me if they wanted to, but I wouldn't be swayed by any of them. I had to start ignoring some too, and some I kicked right on out of my life for being disrespectful.
But my mama was a gem and would've been down for it. Lost her when I was 36, but she was my #1 fan in life. Nothing about me phased her. My father was a different story. He didn't come to his senses until he was on his deathbed. That was a bittersweet moment and I wished I had more time to experience a different kind of relationship with him than I had the previous 63 years of my life. I did win my sister over by showing her some of my early YouTube videos. I started making them my after my first 6 months of my transition. She called me crying and said she finally understood. I lost her in 2017.
Thank you for sharing that sweet transformation of yours.
All well said. My son came out at 20. He’d dropped some hints for a while, so I wasn’t taken entirely by surprise. After moping and crying (privately) for a few days, partly because he is my second child and my first child is a boy and I had always wanted a girl. But then I thought to myself that I’d raised him to be his own person, and, furthermore, I had a couple of trans friends and how could I ever look them in the eye again if I could accept them for who they are, yet have some kind of misgivings about my own kid? My approach was different from yours, though. Initially I thought I had to understand this in some intellectual way (because, doh, I’m an intellectual), but then I decided I didn’t need to understand this at all, I just needed to support my son and love him. This is not to undermine or contradict your excellent description of coming to an understanding. Just to talk about my own experience.
Imagine going through that at 58. My family had a hard time with it for a short while, as I had to correct them constantly and go through a lot of awkwardness. My name and my pronouns (he, him, his). Each one thinking their struggle with it was just between me and them. No, it was between me and my entire family. Overwhelming. It took me 4 long years to come out to myself and then to them. I did so in a very loving, but public way. I gave them the option to dismiss me if they wanted to, but I wouldn't be swayed by any of them. I had to start ignoring some too, and some I kicked right on out of my life for being disrespectful.
But my mama was a gem and would've been down for it. Lost her when I was 36, but she was my #1 fan in life. Nothing about me phased her. My father was a different story. He didn't come to his senses until he was on his deathbed. That was a bittersweet moment and I wished I had more time to experience a different kind of relationship with him than I had the previous 63 years of my life. I did win my sister over by showing her some of my early YouTube videos. I started making them my after my first 6 months of my transition. She called me crying and said she finally understood. I lost her in 2017.
Thank you for sharing that sweet transformation of yours.
All well said. My son came out at 20. He’d dropped some hints for a while, so I wasn’t taken entirely by surprise. After moping and crying (privately) for a few days, partly because he is my second child and my first child is a boy and I had always wanted a girl. But then I thought to myself that I’d raised him to be his own person, and, furthermore, I had a couple of trans friends and how could I ever look them in the eye again if I could accept them for who they are, yet have some kind of misgivings about my own kid? My approach was different from yours, though. Initially I thought I had to understand this in some intellectual way (because, doh, I’m an intellectual), but then I decided I didn’t need to understand this at all, I just needed to support my son and love him. This is not to undermine or contradict your excellent description of coming to an understanding. Just to talk about my own experience.