Friday's Guest: Benjamin Erwin, "My Daughter is a Girl Because She Knows She is a Girl."

Right now, we live in a world where transness is viewed by many as abnormal and associated with mental disorder. But soon parents, teachers, and legislators will simply believe that our children.

My daughter is a girl because she knows she is a girl. She would be no matter what, even if she didn’t take estrogen or look, to you, like the girl she is. 

She does take estrogen—an ordinary decision for a trans girl. My child’s girlness is ordinary, and her transness is too.

Of course my daughter is also extraordinary—brilliant, funny, gorgeous. But setting that aside to talk to you as an ordinary dad, not the proud parent of this particular kid. 

Soon we’ll live in a world where being trans is unremarkable, and you simply get healthcare—hormones, for instance—as the person you are. For the moment, we live in a world where doctors have to say my daughter has a mental disorder. In order to get hormones, my daughter has a diagnosis of dysphoria: stress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas. (I’m quoting the DSM-5, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). 

My daughter doesn’t have dysphoria, but doctors have to tick that box. So we have all agreed, on paper, that she is suffering. 

To be clear, dysphoria is real. Many trans teens suffer from it. And no wonder, given the harassment, violence, and rejection many trans teens experience at home and school. Given the hundreds of anti-trans bills on ballots; given that you can’t get gender care at all if you are trans, in certain states. Given you’re at risk if you just use the bathroom. Peeing, the most ordinary thing! Trans teens are murdered for it. 

My daughter and I talk about dysphoria, and about her life. Trans teens are at high risk for suicide and depression for all the reasons above. I wouldn’t be doing my job as a parent if we didn’t keep this conversation open. I’m grateful she feels she can talk to me.  

Right now, we live in a world where transness is viewed by many as abnormal, something associated with mental disorder. But soon parents, teachers, and legislators will simply believe that our children are who they say they are. I can to envision this world right now, because my daughter is living in it as an ordinary, healthy trans girl.